Awesome Pirates


More like yo ho ho and a bottle of FUN! Sorry, we’ll walk the plank now. But you timber-shiverers should play Awesome Pirates, a trajectory shooter more fun than swabbing the poop deck. Blast the encroaching buccaneers before they hornswaggle you.

Awesome Pirates seems to be designed primarily with multiplayer in mind. I had intended to use our holiday office party as an excuse to try it. Forgot that people go to that party to like, drink and open presents and shit, so the game got passed over. Well, a couple of days ago I had a chance to play it with three other people. Those people were ages 5 to 8 too, which is fine. It’s not the most complex title in the world. You’re a pirate ship. You shoot other pirate ships.

The kiddies grasped this just fine, and after a small learning curve with the controls, we had some nice sea battles. We put nearly an hour into this, and at one point I asked them what they thought. The reply probably should have been expected.

“Can we play your Wii U instead?”


“But this is an Indie game! You kids don’t understand! You’re supposed to appreciate the pluck and devil-may-care attitude of this whole new generation of game developers!”

“Oh. Hey, do you have Nintendo Land?”

At this point, I figured I had lost them. I was fine with that myself. Awesome Pirates isn’t really technically flawed, but it’s kind of boring. This type of game has been done so many times now that unless you have a really good twist on the formula, it won’t hold anyone’s attention for long. I did put an extra hour into single player, which is especially dull. Decent graphics, good play control, and again, nothing really wrong here. The game just isn’t fun. The kids didn’t like it either, and that’s only partially because there was a Wii U staring them down. The action is kind of slow, the power-ups pretty dull, and there’s just not a whole lot to this one. Props to the developers for making a fully functional game that’s only sin is being boring, but now you guys have to make something that anyone can enjoy.

Oh, and I totally kicked the shit out of those little kids in Mario Chase. Ha, yea, serves you little pricks right for making fun of me for not being able to throw a dragon punch!

Defend your fortress located on a shuttered island from a mob of Awesome Pirates in this funny, turn-based launch game. Don’t get frightened by them and shoot cannon balls in order to get rid of the brute and their pirate ship before the terrible can destroy your castle and conquer your property. Much fun!

Controls: Mouse = Aim / Shoot, Space + Arrows = Move Screen

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